what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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