I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
