AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
