I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
