literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am midnight drunk by noon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
