I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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