I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
