My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
