whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
