I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
