Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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