So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
