I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
