I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
