I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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