so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
