i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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