fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
