Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
