Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
