Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize