new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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