I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
