I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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