it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
