I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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