so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
