i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
