i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
