I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
