I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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