I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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