whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
