Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
