How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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