No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
