I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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