My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
