He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize