went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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