At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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