Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
