My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
