look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
