I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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