I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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