thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
