We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
