I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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