She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
