2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
