I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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