Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
