I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
