Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
