i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
