You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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