Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
