He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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