i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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