Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
