I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
