I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
