And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
