Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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